ClobberBlog | Mormonism, Evangelical Christianity

This is a rant. A very, very personal rant.

My mother had an infection in her arm about a week ago so she went into the hospital. While she was there, doctors drained 5.5 liters of fluid from her stomach. She’s been there ever since. She feels great. She looks great. She wants to go home.

There’s something wrong with my mother’s stomach. I guess it keeps filling up with fluid faster than before now. They’re trying to see if there’s a way they can stop it. But if that can be stabilized, Mom could keep fighting for several more months at least if they let her.

The doctors and my father are trying to talk her into stopping chemo and letting things end. My mother doesn’t want to. She wants to keep fighting. And I’m sad. And I’m angry. In fact I’m pissed. They should be trying to keep her going when she wants to give up, not trying to get her to give up when she wants to keep going. We just had great news a few weeks ago that the cancer hasn’t actually spread in months. Why should we stop now? Because people are tired of taking care of her? Because insurance doesn’t want to pay out any more? I don’t care. She’s worth it. And it’s not like we haven’t heard the “This is the end” song before.

I went and saw my mother in the hospital today. She looks great. She does not look or sound like a dying woman. Yet my father’s sitting there saying out loud to attendants, “Oh, she’s only got a few weeks left.” RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER. My father, btw, can’t type and doesn’t use the Internet for anything other than e-mail, porn and looking at boats. So he’s never gonna see this post. But I don’t really care if he ever does.

I’m so mad right now, I don’t really know what else to say.