ClobberBlog | Mormonism, Evangelical Christianity

“Have you not noticed that Americans don’t give two [swear word]s what Europeans think of us? Each email someone gets from some arrogant Brit telling us why to NOT vote for George Bush is going to backfire, you stupid, yellow-toothed pansies … I don’t give a rat’s ass if our election is going to have an effect on your worthless little life. I really don’t. If you want to have a meaningful election in your crappy little island full of [swear word]y food and yellow teeth, then maybe you should try not to sell your sovereignty out to Brussels and Berlin, dip[swear word]. Oh, yeah – and brush your goddamned teeth, you filthy animals.
Wading River, NY“

“Consider this: stay out of American electoral politics. Unless you would like a company of US Navy Seals – Republican to a man – to descend upon the offices of the Guardian, bag the lot of you, and transport you to Guantanamo Bay, where you can share quarters with some lonely Taliban shepherd boys.
United States”

“KEEP YOUR [SWEAR WORD]IN’ LIMEY HANDS OFF OUR ELECTION. HEY, [SWEAR WORD]HEADS, REMEMBER THE REVOLUTIONARY WAR? REMEMBER THE WAR OF 1812? WE DIDN’T WANT YOU, OR YOUR POLITICS HERE, THAT’S WHY WE KICKED YOUR ASSES OUT. FOR THE 47% OF YOU WHO DON’T WANT PRESIDENT BUSH, I SAY THIS … TOUGH [SWEAR WORD]!
PROUD AMERICAN VOTING FOR BUSH!”

“Shame on you for using the people of Ohio like this. The US presidental election isn’t just about foreign policy, it’s about healthcare, taxes, education, transportation, natural resources and all manner of issues with little to no impact on the people of Britain.

“We live in a globalised, interconnected world. If China shuts its borders to US imports, you better believe American companies, shareholders and workers are affected. Should US citizens therefore have a direct say in Chinese policies? No – Americans should demand that their own elected leaders address the issues with their Chinese counterparts. The British have a similar voice in US policies – through your own elected representatives who have any number of diplomatic, economic and military tools at their disposal. You vote for your leaders and we’ll vote for ours. Your problem is with your leaders, not ours.
Washington DC”

“Real Americans aren’t interested in your pansy-ass, tea-sipping opinions. If you want to save the world, begin with your own worthless corner of it.
Texas, USA”

“My dear, beloved Brits,
I understand the Guardian is sponsoring a service where British citizens write to Americans to advise them on how to vote. Thank heavens! I was adrift in a sea of confusion and you are my beacon of hope!

“Feel free to respond to this email with your advice. Please keep in mind that I am something of an anglophile, so this is not confrontational. Please remember, too, that I am merely an American. That means I am not very bright. It means I have no culture or sense of history. It also means that I am barely literate, so please don’t use big, fancy words.

Set me straight, folks!
Dayton, Ohio”

“Hey England, Scotland and Wales,
Mind your own business. We don’t need weenie-spined Limeys meddling in our presidental election. If it wasn’t for America, you’d all be speaking German. And if America would have had a president, then, of the likes of Kerry, you’d all be goose-stepping around Buckingham Palace. YOU ARE NOT WANTED!! Whether you want to support either party. BUTT OUT!!!
United States”

“Keep your noses out of our business. As I recall we kicked your asses out of our country back in 1776. We do not require input from losers and idiots on who we vote for in our own country. [Swear word] off and die [swear word]hole!!!!!
Knoxville, Iowa”

“I suggest that if a particular reader of the Guardian would like to vote in America – would really like to influence the American election, say – that reader should move to America, become a citizen of the United States. Everyone is welcome here. Even the readers of the Guardian. But if you don’t wish to be an American, to live in Ohio, for instance, and participate in the American political process, that is too bad. Perhaps there is something wrong with you. Perhaps it is your teeth.
New York”

“Go back to sipping your tea and leave our people alone.
Ohio“

If Americans choose McCain, they will be turning their back on the rest of the world, choosing to show us four more years of the Bush-Cheney finger. And I predict a deeply unpleasant shift. … If Americans reject Obama, they will be sending the clearest possible message to the rest of us – and, make no mistake, we shall hear it.

Vote for annexation as a US territory, or whatever the process is under your legal system.

Petition the Congress for annexation. This has never been refused in US history, to my knowledge.

The President will appoint, with the approval of the Senate, a governor for your new territory.

You will have to write a new territorial constitution, conformant with the US Constitution. While you are doing this, Federal law and taxes will apply, and the Federal government will be building out various American institutions in the territory.

Once you have the new constitution ready to go, vote to petition for statehood. A simple majority is sufficient. Submit your petition for statehood and your constitution to the Congress for review.

Congress will review your constitution to ensure (per Article IV) that it would maintain a republican form of government, as well as your legal and social climate. Congress will debate your petition and,

if accepted (and none has ever been rejected in our history), you will be admitted to the Union as a new state. Congratulations!