Meyers —> Jeffries

I have reached the decision to make a return to my maiden name and begin blogging and publishing as “Bridget Jack Jeffries” instead of “Bridget Jack Meyers.” Why the change? Has my interaction with feminism finally convinced me to give heed to what’s often seen as the most superficial of feminist complaints?
The answer is, yes and no. Yes, it is my exploration of feminism that initially got me re-thinking the surnames question, but feminism is not the main motivator for the change.
When I got married in 2003, I did not give a whole lot of thought to the possibility of keeping my maiden name. Taking on your husband’s last name was sort of just what you did, especially in Provo, Utah, and I don’t think I had a single strong female role model in my life who had kept her own last name. All of the women in my family (strong role models included) had made the change, and I’m certainly not condemning anyone for making that choice. Even at the time though, I admitted that Jack Jeffries sounded infinitely better than Jack Meyers and said I was going to miss the name. Jeffries sounds much more distinctive than Meyers, is considerably rarer, and has a nice triple alliteration sound to it when combined with the rest of my name (jet-jak-jef).
The final reason that I’ve decided on going back to my old last name is simply that it just feels so right. When I was visiting BYU in March, a friend of mine who knew me before my marriage accidentally introduced me by my old last name. I considered correcting him, but he was plowing ahead in talking about my time at BYU as an evangelical Christian rather quickly and I didn’t want to interrupt him for such a mundane correction. I also realized that I didn’t really want to correct him at all. I liked being called a “Jeffries” for the first time in years.
We will probably follow suit with a legal name change in time. In case you are wondering:
  • My husband doesn’t mind the change. He even agrees with me that Jeffries sounds much better on me than Meyers.
  • We’re willing to take the attendant headaches: people mistakenly calling him “Mr. Jeffries,” old-fashioned-types who are convinced that women who keep their maiden names don’t love their husbands, etc.
  • I’m not going to make a huge fuss when people call me “Mrs. Meyers” or refer to us as “the Meyers family.”
  • We’re unsure on whether we should self-reference as “The Jeffries-Meyers Family” or “The Meyers-Jeffries Family.”
  • We’re going to keep giving our children the surname of “Meyers,” though they will probably get “Jeffries” as a second middle name. That means a legal name change for the daughter we already have.
  • Currently, I don’t appear on LDS church records as my husband’s spouse. I’ve debated whether or not to notify Salt Lake to list me as a non-LDS spouse, but haven’t done it yet. I have no clue how they handle mixed-last-name couples given the patrilineal ward directory system.
My commenting handle from here on out will be “Ms. Jack.”

Comments

Meyers —> Jeffries — 28 Comments

  1. As far as LDS records go, they can handle the dual last names appropriately, since the women-change-their-last-name custom isn’t worldwide. The problem is making sure the ward clerk knows how to handle it, since the software assumes the same last name unless it is specifically told otherwise. Some ward clerks are quicker to learn than others.
    And, yeah, you will be subtly accused of not loving your husband. But anyone who knows you will know better. There are some people (woman, mostly) who feel threatened by this, at least in conservative Christian circles. I think they may assume that your decision is an arrogant one, that you look down on women who do change their names. I’m not sure why, but that reaction is out there.
  2. As someone who just went through a divorce and changed my name back, I wish I had never changed it. It never felt right to me, but I just thought it was what was done. I applaud you for following what you feel, and your husband for rolling with it. Should I ever remarry, my name is my name, forever hereafter.
  3. Hey, I changed my name back too! I’ve been married 9 years and legally had my husbands name for about 5 years in the middle there, then changed it back for reasons very much like yours. it’s been completely positive.
  4. I never considered giving up my name for marriage. I might add a name but it’s my name, I planned to keep it no matter what
  5. A friend of mine who is just as Mormon as I am is married to a woman who kept her last name, I think it was for academic publication reasons. No one says boo.
    Whether you choose to list as a non-Member spouse or not is completely optional, in my opinion, but if you want the family to receive Visiting Teachers from the RS, and you move from the ward you’re in, it’s probably a convenience.
  6. Whoops! Was *I* the friend who introduced you as Bridget “Jack” Jeffries? Sounds like my introduction the day you visited our Greek 311 . . .
  7. #2 Tracy M ~ Nice to see you on the blog. After my husband and I had been married for a year, he asked for a divorce and we legally separated for a few months, so I went through a bit of that “do I change my name back?” saga then. It was hell. I would encourage women to consider keeping their own last names if only to avoid ever having to go through that.
    Thanks for the encouragement on this.
    #6 Eric ~ Yes it was you, but it was when I was sitting in your office and Kent Jackson dropped by. You introduced me as either “Bridget Jack Jeffries” or “Sister Jeffries” (I can’t remember exactly, I just know the Jeffries was in there).
    No worries though, I’m happy about the change. It feels good to be a Jeffries again.
  8. Jeffries is an awesome last name… But I still get people mispelling it and throwing that extra e in the middle. You sorta have the same initials of me and aunt Joni, except i still call you by your real first name. See ya in August!
  9. I imagine you’d have to spell Meyers and Jeffries to anyone who didn’t know.
    I think it’s a great decision. I’ve waffled between changing my name back to my maiden name, because I also think that it sounded better than my married name. However, I think I want to share a name with my kids.
    My goal is still to convince Kullervo that we should both change our last names to a neutral one. Why not? Then it’s OUR name for OUR family, :D
  10. I agree that Bridget Jack Jeffries is simply more euphonious. I’m glad Paul is being a good sport about it and not taking it personally.
  11. Changing your name is a huge hassle. I would never go through it again. I changed my name when I got married 20 years ago, and the drivers license/social security etc hassles were a pain. Things would be even more complex now for professional reasons and I would never do it. The only reason I would advise anyone to change their name on getting married would be if their maiden name were awful and their spouse’s name an improvement.
  13. Okay, so maybe this is a really stupid question, but I’m going to ask anyway. How do you pronounce your first name? I’ve always heard the name Bridget with emphasis on the first syllable. Kind of Bridge-it. But you mentioned a jet-jak-jef alliteration. Do you pronounce it Brih-jet?
    (Not even sure if that makes sense. Hopefully does.)
  15. Hi Jack,
    I feel sad that you don’t have the same surname as your husband. It seems like a symbol of unity. I suppose a hyphenated name for both of you is too cumbersome. I like the idea of katyjane to both change your names to a neutral one. A couple I knew invented a new surname for themselves and their family which was almost (but not quite) an anagram of their former surnames!
  16. We understand the “symbol of unity” argument, and discussed it, and decided that we have plenty of trust in the real unity in our marriage without having to symbolize it through last names.
    Hyphenated names are a total pain. See this article:
    Goin’ to Take a Hyphenated Journey by Frederica Mathewes-Green
  17. Personally, I never legally changed my name, but for family stuff I just go by “Mrs. ” because it’s simpler…
  19. A couple I knew invented a new surname for themselves and their family which was almost (but not quite) an anagram of their former surnames!
    Guaranteed to cause hell to future Mormon genealogists. Maybe that’s a good thing.
  20. They’ve already got it in stride, actually, those genealogists. Fewer cultures take the husband’s name for the family than many think.
  21. Congrats, Jack Jeffries.
    But is it okay if I’m disappointed that you didn’t change it to Wayne, or perhaps Kane or Cain? B-)
  22. Freaking non-working smilies. I’m way too spoiled by google chat which converts anything close.
    Which of these work on Jack’s blog?
    B) 8) 8-)
  25. When I was married, I wanted to keep my own name and indicated this at my temple recommend interviews, on all legal documents, and informed my bishop ahead of time. I was patted on the head and told how adorable that was, and they changed my name anyway. I could never get them to change it while I was married, and no matter how many times I politely reminded people that I was not “Sister Marriedname” but “Sister Birthname,” I generally just got a look of amusement and people continued to call me “Sister Marriedname.” It was a little frustrating not having my wishes respected on such a simple matter as identity.
    LDS records are not well equipped to indicate males and females as co-heads of household. The male is indicated as the head of the family, and his wife and children are listed underneath him. If you add yourself to his church records, your name will most likely be entered as being the same as his, unless you happen to get a bishop and ward clerk who accepts that some women keep their birth names. At the end of it, it’s up to the local authorities and how willing they are to honour your wishes.
  27. All of my kids have their Mom’s maiden/last name as a middle name.
    If my girls drop their maiden names when they get married, they will leave no trace of my family name. . . oh well, whats in a name anyway?
    Kullervo- I would run “the Destroyer” up the flag pole. worth a try.
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