Baptizing My Baby
Near the end of June, my husband and I had the pleasure of celebrating our daughter’s fourth birthday—and with KatyJane, Kullervo, Katie L.,
and their children all in attendance, you can rest assured that it was a
lively party. We had balloons, a bounce castle, lots of presents,
pizza, and a Thomas the Tank Engine cake with delicious cherry filling.
It was a great way to ring in this annual milestone.
Another
milestone ticked away in my head: our family had reached the halfway
point on the road to what might one day become our first serious point
of interfaith parenting contention. In four more years, Harley will be
eight years old, the age of baptism for children raised in LDS families.
Paul firmly believes that eight year-olds are definitively old enough
to choose a religion and commit to it for the rest of their lives. I
don’t. I’m extremely uneasy about the prospect of baptizing a child that
young.
My reasons for being uneasy with this proposal can be broken into three categories.
Experience
The
first reason for my uneasiness over the baptism of eight year-olds is
fairly simple. I remember being eight, and I certainly don’t remember
doing much independent thinking on religious issues. What I do remember
is an earnest desire to please the adults in my life, and I remember
thinking that laws and rules passed down to me by adults were
unquestionable. If my parents said to do it, I did it, and doing it was right.
If my parents said not to do it . . . well, I may have done it anyways,
because I was a rascal like that. But there was never a doubt in my
mind that to go against my parents’ wishes was wrong. The idea that my parents might tell me to do the wrong thing was blasphemy. As the old Eric Draven William Makepeace Thackery saying goes, “Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.”
Or
in other words, I think children that young will do things because
adults tell them to, and not because they’ve developed their own desire
to do them for other reasons. I would rather my daughter commit to a
church when she’s certain that’s what she wants to do rather than
committing to a church out of a desire to please one of us.
Research
Fortunately,
I don’t have to rely solely on my own experience. Research on moral
development in the human brain does a pretty good job of vindicating my
misgivings about letting a child that young make such a monumental
religious commitment. For example, see Piaget’s Stages of Moral Judgment:
Piaget studied many aspects of moral judgment, but most of his findings fit into a two-stage theory. Children younger than 10 or 11 years think about moral dilemmas one way; older children consider them differently. As we have seen, younger children regard rules as fixed and absolute. They believe that rules are handed down by adults or by God and that one cannot change them. The older child’s view is more relativistic. He or she understands that it is permissible to change rules if everyone agrees. Rules are not sacred and absolute but are devices which humans use to get along cooperatively.At approximately the same time—10 or 11 years—children’s moral thinking undergoes other shifts. In particular, younger children base their moral judgments more on consequences, whereas older children base their judgments on intentions. When, for example, the young child hears about one boy who broke 15 cups trying to help his mother and another boy who broke only one cup trying to steal cookies, the young child thinks that the first boy did worse. The child primarily considers the amount of damage–the consequences—whereas the older child is more likely to judge wrongness in terms of the motives underlying the act (Piaget, 1932, p. 137).There are many more details to Piaget’s work on moral judgment, but he essentially found a series of changes that occur between the ages of 10 and 12, just when the child begins to enter the general stage of formal operations.
See
also Kohlberg’s Six Stages, on the same page. Children undergo a
serious shift in their understanding of moral actions between the ages
of 10 and 12, so I think 12 is a much safer minimum age for choosing a
religion than 8.
Theology
I’m
rather dissatisfied with the theological justifications my LDS friends
have given me for why children ought to be baptized at age 8. Note that
I’m not questioning the need for baptism in general; just the need for baptism at such a young age. Let’s look at the usual reasons given one at a time.
- For the remission of sins
This is the official reason for baptism as given in the 4th Article of Faith.
Little children have their sins covered by the atonement of Jesus
Christ until they reach the age of 8, and then their sins start counting
as their own, so children are baptized at age 8 to cleanse them from
their sins. This raises the question: is an LDS baptism necessary for
the forgiveness of sins? Are Mormons and their alleged ancient
predecessors the only people in all of human history who have ever had
their sins forgiven on this side of the veil?
Most
of my LDS friends would say “no;” non-Mormons can have their sins
forgiven as well. So if my daughter can have her sins forgiven through
prayer and repentance like the rest of us, I don’t see much imperative
for baptizing her at age 8.
If
you do believe that an LDS baptism is necessary for the forgiveness of
sins, then your answer makes much more sense and has the benefit of
being theologically consistent. Politically incorrect, but theologically
consistent. I guess my daughter will just have to live with being as
unclean as her mother is.
- To profess membership in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
We’ve
already established that I think 8 is too young to fully comprehend and
commit to a religion. I especially think 8 is too young to comprehend
and choose between two competing
religions. My commitment to free agency dictates that I wait until
she’s older and can do a better job of grasping the importance of such a
decision.
- To profess faith in Jesus Christ
See
my last answer. Besides, since an LDS baptism requires an interview
where the candidate affirms LDS distinctives such as the prophetic
calling of Joseph Smith, LDS baptism really can’t be separated from the
question of LDS membership as a whole.
I’m
certainly not denying that young children can have faith in Christ, but
I think public profession of that faith is a huge step to take and one
that should only be entered into when the child has more understanding
of what it means to be a disciple of Christ.
- To obtain the gift of the Holy Spirit
Some
parents have pointed out to me that even if there are no theological
consequences to delaying baptism until a later date, baptism is a
prerequisite for the gift of the Holy Spirit, and they want their
children to have that guiding influence in their lives as soon as
possible. As I’ve argued elsewhere though,
the biblical record shows that neither baptism nor the laying on of
hands are requirements for the gift of the Holy Spirit. LDS families are
free to believe otherwise of course, but as far as I’m concerned, if my
daughter wants the gift of the Holy Spirit, she can receive it the same
way I did: by praying to her Father in Heaven and asking Him for it.
- Because God commands it
Some
LDS families have simply expressed to me that they choose to baptize
their children at age 8 because it’s commanded in the LDS scriptures (D&C 68:27).
I respect this reason on the surface, but for my own part, I think
“because God says so” is a rather unsatisfying answer when it is not
accompanied by a theological or rational framework to explain why God insists on this age for baptism.
Conclusion
To
be clear, I’m not looking down in disdain on any Latter-day Saint
individuals for having their children baptized at age 8. If I refuse to
take a stand against paedobaptism in
my own tradition, I’m certainly not about to get up in arms over
slightly-delayed-paedobaptism in yours. Besides, they’re your kids, you
made ‘em, and I firmly support your right to do what you want with ‘em.
Point in fact, if you really want your kids to grow up LDS, it’s
probably better that you’re hooking them into the church when they’re
that young, before the little demons darlings have truly perfected the art of questioning your authority as a parent.
As
far as our own situation goes, while I’m not writing anything in stone,
for now my inclination is to say “no” to baptism at eight. And since
the LDS church won’t allow my husband to baptize our daughter without my
consent, ultimately, I’m the presiding authority in this decision.
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