ClobberBlog | Mormonism, Evangelical Christianity

A while back, I was perusing Letters from a Broad (home of the delightful chanson, which does not stand for Chris Hansen) and I came across her “Ask Chanson via Google” features wherein she surveys the Google search engine terms that landed on her blog and responds to them.

Today I saw that Mister Correlation had done a similar post. And back in April 2009, Andrew S. of Irresistible (Dis)grace had likewise done a post on searches that landed on his blog.

I figured, I’m bored and desperate for content, so . . . why not?

Here it is. Google searches that landed on ClobberBlog, Vol. 1

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complaints ,ferrucci jr high

Now, why would anyone want to complain about my old junior high? Is Ms. Ramsey still making the kids sit through Stand and Deliver every year while giving out detentions over stupid crap?

Dear Ms. Ramsey: Please stop showing Stand and Deliver every year and giving out detentions over stupid crap. Kkthnx.

bridgette jack jeffries

Oh, stop that. I never spelled my first name like that, and I bowed to the altar of patriarchy and traded in my maiden name for my husband’s name over six years ago.

On a more serious note, there are a comparatively high number of Google searches for “Bridget Jack Meyers” or some variant. Honestly, who are you people and what are you trying to learn about me?

“saints row 2″ “sarah palin”

Spraying fecal matter on people’s houses as Sarah Palin has never been funner! You can learn how to do it here.

“matt slick” mormon pentagram

My recollection of my experience with Matt Slick of CARM can be found here. For a great article on the LDS use of the pentagram, I recommend “Joseph and the Amazing Misunderstood Pentagram” by my friend Seth R. at Nine Moons.

licked cupcake

Mormon slang for a woman who has lost her virtue virginity. Personally, my cupcake didn’t get licked until my wedding night, although I may have let my husband pick off a few sprinkles before that . . .

“mister correlation”

Here. Or here. Also under discussion here.

correlation clobberblog

Don’t be silly. ClobberBlog is a non-Bloggernacle site and therefore out of Mister Correlation’s jurisdiction. You’ll just have to cross your fingers and hope that I make more dumb comments on actual Bloggernacle blogs, which probably won’t take long.

jp holding

Taught me everything I know. I discuss my history with him here.

women’s spaghetti strap tank top

They’re quite comfortable. I highly recommend them, especially for Relief Society meetings.

corset tops to wear out

Why? Are you trying to get laid?

If you’re trying to get laid, the corset top is a nice start. You might also try the suggestions at this Christian site here on how to turn your husband on. Who says Christians are prudes about sex anymore?

(I recommend that singles trying to live the Law of Chastity not click on that link.)

tankinis sex

Haven’t tried it. You do that and let me know how it goes.

dresses immodest

I have no idea how this search landed on my site.

modesty ugly women

No, modesty does not make women ugly. Being ugly makes women ugly.

mormon yw logo

You’re in luck! A friend of mine in Church Headquarters has just sent me this top secret sneak preview of the new Young Women logo:

And you’ll notice that it’s pink and soft, just like Sister President Dalton envisioned!

chronological bible reading plan mormon

Aw, somebody thinks Mormons read the Bible. That’s cute.

egalitarianism and evangelical covenant

Yes, the Evangelical Covenant Church is a denomination which ordains women. Just like Jesus would have wanted.

liberal “covenant denomination”

Not really. Not unless you think all denominations that ordain women are automatically “liberal.” In that case you’d better put on your tinfoil hat and hunker down until the Rapture, which I hear is coming soon.

complementarian nazarene

No. The Church of the Nazarene is technically egalitarian, at least in creed. In practice they don’t ordain women very often though.

cache valley mall satan

This one confused me. What would Satan want with a mall, other than maybe a job at Banana Republic?

Apparently they were looking for this link here. Oops.

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Well, that’s a wrap. If you want to read a “Google searches” post that is actually funny, I recommend chanson’s site above.

Until next time . . .