The Sacrament in an interfaith household

My two-year-old daughter has reached a point where she really looks forward to church every Sunday, regardless of which one she’s attending. Last week (not yesterday, but the Sunday before that) we took her to her father’s church. She was so excited to get dressed up and go, she was practically dancing in the church parking lot.
Our practice so far has been to treat Harley as a member of both churches. As an infant she was dedicated at Rock Canyon Assembly of God in Provo, then later that day she was blessed and named at an LDS ceremony involving her and a cousin who was born at about the same time.
When I attended church with both Harley and her father last week, I noticed how well my daughter has gotten into the habit of taking Sacrament with her father. When the bread trays came around, she ran right up to them and helped herself. She may have taken a small fistful of bread, but hey, she’s learning. Her father always grabs an extra water cup for her and helps her drink it carefully. She’s welcome to take communion at my church, but my current church home only does it monthly and at a special service where I don’t think bringing a two-year-old would be very appropriate, so she hasn’t done it yet.
The Encyclopedia of Mormonism says, “Unbaptized children, however, being without sin, are entitled and expected to partake of the Sacrament to prefigure the covenant they themselves will make at the age of accountability, age eight.”
Here’s my concern:
Scenario #1: Harley turns 8 but she isn’t sure which church she wants to join and chooses not to get baptized in either for the time being. Should she have to stop taking the Sacrament with her father?
Scenario #2: Harley turns 8 and she wants to get baptized into the LDS church, but Mom’s a [word that rhymes with "witch"] and tells her that she cannot make that decision until she’s older. I’m not sure what the church would do in a scenario where one parent approved of a baptism and the other opposed, but let’s just say the end result was Harley not being allowed to get baptized when she wanted to. Should she have to stop taking the Sacrament with her father?
What do you guys think?

Comments

The Sacrament in an interfaith household — 23 Comments

  1. There are two points of view. In neither case will anyone stop your daughter from taking the Sacrament when the tray passes under her eyes, in my experience.
    In no particular order, the answers are:
    1 — She should stop. The Sacrament is for people who have made the explicit water baptism and confirmation covenants in the Church.
    2 — She should carefully listen to the wording of the Sacrament prayers, decide whether she wants to do the things in the prayers (always remember Jesus, keep His Commandments, have His Spirit with her, etc), and on that basis, decide whether she wants to take the Sacrament.
    If by the age of 8 a child is not capable of understanding the nature of a covenant to act and associate with others as a christian, there are also those who will say that she’s still unaccountable, therefore still able to take the Sacrament in innocence.
    I have five kids. It occurs to me to tell you that eight years old is old enough to understand the scope of an LDS baptism. Heck, my seven year old son was bright enough to understand “know ye not that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit which is in you,” (I was telling him not to moon his sisters…) I figure he’s bright enough to get “following Jesus means getting baptized.”
    Since I don’t entirely know what a 22Q11 deletion does to a child’s cognitive development, so I have no idea what that would entail for you and her. If it curtails her development mentally, then it would be logical to follow that corollary.
  2. You know, I am still perplexed by how Mormon sacrament works. I have attended sacrament meeting a few times, and the only time I didn’t take the sacrament was when I had a cold and had to leave the room coughing in search of water. (Ironic, no?)
    I asked the ex about it after attending with him last December, because he chose not to partake even though I did. He explained later that it was a personal decision based on his feelings about how he was upholding his covenants as a priesthood holder. (And yes, it occurred to me that I could very well be the reason that he felt like he was falling short, but I didn’t press the issue.) But he also assured me that it was okay that I participated when the plate came around, so my confusion continues.
    As a Methodist I’ve always been raised with the idea of an open table for those who accept Jesus Christ as their savior, and the only other time I’ve been aware of a different practice was in attending Catholic services with my Ecuadorian host family. In remembering how the LDS bishop introduced the sacrament (e.g. what Rob said), the promises I made by participating don’t seem so different from the promises I make every day as a different breed of Christian.
    It seems strange to me that a church with a policy more akin to the Catholic way of doing things (e.g. membership required/expected) would actually pass the sacrament through the crowd rather than doing things by intinction up at the altar. I guess I can see wanting to avoid uncomfortable situations where certain people get left sitting in the seats by themselves, but at the same time, I don’t like the idea that I inadvertently tainted the sacrament with my gentile hands as I passed the bread.
    So Jack, I have no idea. But whatever the consensus re: Harley turns out to be, I will follow suit next time I go to an LDS service.
  3. The LDS Church allows every individual in the congregation (LDS or not) to take or not partake – it’s a personal decision.
    A Bishop of mine once put it this way (parapahrasing): “If a non-LDS friend comes with you to Church, it is prudent to let them know that we do pass the sacrament to each person in remembrance of Jesus Christ and they are free to partake or not as they feel comfortable.” Although that was just a bishop speaking and he wasn’t reading out of the handbook when he said it, that particular bishop had a reputation of sticking to the handbook as closely as possible, so for now I trust his interpretation on the subject. I haven’t read the handbook myself on the topic.
    I say as long as Harley wants to remember Jesus by taking bread and water, she should continue taking it whenever she attends the LDS Church.
  4. I should add the caveat that our sacrament prayer does say that people who partake witness that they are willing to take upon themselves the name of Jesus Christ and keep His commandments, so I suppose she may want to take that into account when she’s old enough – if she desires to do those things then I say go ahead (even if she won’t be baptized LDS and even if Mom won’t let her get baptized LDS till later).
  5. Scenario #1.
    No she should not have to. A long time time ago, it was church policy that of those old enough to be accountable, only church members were to partake of the sacrament. BRMcConkie also taught that. Since then, the brethren have changed the policy and have publicly taught in Priesthood training meetings that Mormons are not to forbid non-Mormons from partaking of the sacrament, but they are to explain what the ordinance means, and allow them to make a decision whether or not they are willing to live up to that committment. Before, it was so bad, apparently there is one folklore story of a branch president in france who slapped the sacrament out of the hand of a young child (of record). I don’t know the veracity of the claim, but it bothers me nonetheless.
    Scenarios #2: I think that’s much harder, because at that moment you would begin to separate her from something she wants to be a part of, and it will have social implications. I’m not sure what the church would do, but I would hope they would expect the couple to come to a consensus and then give that consensus to the church. There’s no doubt the church would rather the girl get baptized, but probably not at the expense of alienating Jack from a working relationship with the Church and her husband. Still probably not, but Jack might have to {g}. I will say, I met someone one my mission who was released from his callings simply because one of his children wasn’t baptized. The father said, “I want him to want to get baptized, and not just because I want him to get baptized.” I can see both sides, but I respected the father’s side more in the end.
  6. Just to concur with what everyone else is basically saying, I wouldn’t think there’s anything wrong with her taking the Sacrament even if she’s unbaptized. I reckon that as long as she has a desire to do so, she’d be welcome to.
  7. Whitney, I’ve personally never taken the sacrament at an LDS ward. Before I ever even visited, I had read somewhere on the Internet that non-members aren’t supposed to take it, and I haven’t changed my mind since then. Most of my LDS friends including my husband don’t take communion at Protestant churches (though there are some exceptions) and Mormons certainly don’t accept Protestant baptisms as valid. Whatever friendship I’m willing to extend Mormons, I guess I draw the line at participating in LDS rituals.
    If you feel comfortable doing it though, don’t let me stop you.
    As far as my daughter’s disorder goes, she seems to be at the high-functioning end of the spectrum so far, but we just don’t know how things will turn out. For some people with VCFS it’s barely noticeable and some people wind up in special education programs for the rest of their lives. I’m assuming for the purposes of these posts that she will have normal mental capacities because, even if she winds up being on the low-functioning end of the VCFS spectrum so that we have a window to avoid the baptism question, it will inevitably come up again when we have other children.
    I certainly believe that an 8-year-old is capable of understanding a covenant like baptism and making it. I don’t believe that an 8-year-old is capable of discerning between two similar but competing religions and making an informed choice on which one to join. I remember the woman I met with in Provo who was a Baptist in an interfaith marriage and really happy that people from her church had pulled her young son aside and given him a run-down of what the LDS church is “really” about so that he’d chosen the Baptist faith. Children are impressionable and I don’t want Harley’s choice to be like that, in either direction.
    Anyways, thank you for the good advice everyone. It’s something I will keep in mind as she grows. I don’t know what age I’d be comfortable with letting Harley decide what church to join, but right now I think 8 is too young.
  8. Oops. Does that mean I’m partially Mormon now?
    And I’m perfectly happy sticking to my Methodist-style Welch’s grape juice and pita bread, so I think I’ll follow your lead, Jack.
  10. Whitney: “Oops. Does that mean I’m partially Mormon now?”
    Yep, that’s right. And now you owe us 2% of your income in tithing.
  11. Brian ~ So Jack, let’s say that Harley wants to join Assembly of God when she’s 8…do you let her?
    Nope. I would tell her to wait until she’s a little older to be sure she understands the choice she’s making.
  13. Jack, am I right to assume that if your husband joined the AoG (joining you) then you would let your daughter join AoG at age 8?
    Whitney, no, we only want your money. You can write out a check or just purchase more products from Coca Cola, which is owned by the Church.
  16. Hmm… I’ve only been to a Mormon service once. I went alone, while you and Paul were out together. I believe I took the sacrament, since I didn’t know if it was inappropriate TO pass it up. I did so with a very respectful and open mindset, and that’s always what I considered the most important aspect. It involves a unification of body and spirit, a connection to God, and a deep symbolic gesture of respect and devotion. Maybe I can’t understand it in its full meaning without accepting Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, but what is more important than trying and exploring with a respectful and loving mindset?
    I think that you’re absolutely right in that eight is not old enough to make a cogent decision on a lifelong journey. Any eight-year-old is not concerned with that far into the future. And I think so long as she is taking the sacrament with respect and love, no one should begrudge her that. Mormons have been some of the nicest people I’ve ever known, even to the point of utter surprise. After the meeting I got a dinner invitation from strangers, though I was silly and never took it up. I remember living in Provo I would see young couples holding hands, and they’d always be married. I’d see a young woman obviously pregnant, and she was always married. Everyone was friendly, smiling, kind, and genuine. I can only see them treating such a beautiful girl like Harley in the same way if they were so sweet to an uggo like me!
    But boy, some lousy, lousy drivers there…
  19. I had a friend in that situation. She was 16 and not allowed to be baptized, but she considered herself a believer in the church and participated in all meetings and activities. The bishop told her to partake of the sacrament at her will. This was back in 1988.
  20. Just for the record, 16 is the absolute latest I would make my children wait to make a decision on which church to join. It’s really something to play by ear and will depend on the level of maturity they show in wanting to make the decision.
    I’m also not sure what I’ll do if I have a male child since he’ll have to be baptized LDS by age 12 or be excluded from priesthood rituals, but I’ll worry about that when and if the time comes.
  21. I recommend listening carefully to them as the years build, making sure they know what they want for the right reasons, and giving your opinion about the decisions they’re reaching. If you have a solid relationship with your kids, I think they’ll respect your opinions and act according to the most fundamental of their needs rather than responding to a purely social pressure to join any group.
    Above all, though, make sure that you and your spouse are unified in the approach, or your kids will play you against the spouse to get what they think they want.
  22. Rob ~ If you have a solid relationship with your kids, I think they’ll respect your opinions and act according to the most fundamental of their needs rather than responding to a purely social pressure to join any group.
    Pfft. I rule my kid(s) with an iron fist. They do as I say and not as I do.
  23. I completely agree with Rob about the spousal unity.
    If either side is trying to force the other, it can’t end well. It needs to be a joint decision that you both arrive at together and that you deliver to both of your churches. But if you aren’t completely unifified, you’are setting yourself up to fail…
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