My day


My church usually meets from 4 PM – 5:30 PM on Sundays, but once a month we do a special second meeting from 10 AM – 11:30 AM for prayer, worship and the Lord’s Supper. I went to the morning meeting by myself and was really surprised when we were praying and somebody started speaking in tongues. I’ve heard people speak in tongues before, and I have always maintained a healthy amount of skepticism since, having studied so many different languages, I know what a real language sounds like, and the other people I’ve heard speak in tongues sounded like they were just making stuff up or repeating the same sounds over and over again. This person actually sounded like he was speaking a real language, it even sounded Near Eastern (though it wasn’t Hebrew). Immediately someone else interpreted it, and later the man who had interpreted explained that the Spirit had told him before the meeting started that there would be a tongue to interpret, and gave him the interpretation in advance.
I know, I know, there’s no way to scientifically prove all this, but for the first time in my Christian life as a skeptical charismatic, tongues was used and I actually believed it was happening. And that feels amazing. Skeptical charismatic is happy!
I walked up to my husband’s ward afterward and dropped off his tithe, which was uneventful, but I enjoyed the walk. He came to my church today so he did not go to his own. I managed to not get accosted by any missionaries on my way in or out of the building.
Paul and I went to my church in the evening, and I’m happy to report that Harley’s separation anxiety has begun to ebb and she’s doing much better with the church nursery program in both of our churches. In fact she cried and screamed when we came to take her away from the nursery today. That’s quite the turn-around.
Paul’s home teachers were supposed to come see us at 7 PM, but they were a no-call no-show. It’s too bad; we were actually looking forward to the company, and they had specified that they wanted both of us here. We’ve lived in this ward for almost two years and I don’t think we’ve ever had our home teachers actually visit us. I really do think that the home teaching/visiting teaching is a wonderful program, when people actually do it.
I wonder if I should bother the bishop to get me some visiting teachers. I could use more girlfriends in real life to show off my girlie clothes to, and I bet they would actually show up. Some of the women in my husband’s ward even have non-member husbands, which I’m sure would make for some interesting conversations.
Anyways, that was my day. Happy Sunday everyone.


Comments

My day — 26 Comments


  1. Jack: very interesting thoughts about getting visiting teachers. Seems like a great idea.
    btw, I’ve often joked with my wife that the one thing that would get me to leave Mormonism would be the chance to choose a church that does not meet after 12 PM on Sundays. (I see all these other churches with their signs out front announcing 10-11AM worship times.) Why oh why does your church meet from 4-5:30?!
  2. My church is a rather tiny church plant, quite honestly the smallest church I’ve ever gone to. When I first began attending we were meeting in an old yoga studio from 10 AM – 11:30 AM; if you look at the church web site, most of the indoor pictures come from our days in the little yoga studio.
    Now we rent the first floor of Central Lutheran in Tacoma, so we have to meet in the evenings so as not to conflict with their main meeting times.
    I guess my husband goes to the LDS ward you want, because his ward starts at 9 AM and is done by noon. 
    BTW, if I want to go ahead with the VTs should I call the bishop or the ward Relief Society president? Does anyone know?
  4. I have solid evidence that the Sermon on the Mount began at 9AM and was done before noon. Before-noon church is an eternal principle.
    I think Rob Perkins is right—not that there’s a right/wrong way to ask, but this would make it easier for those involved.
    fwiw, I usually feel like a nuisance as a hometeacher (like they’re thinking, “I really don’t need a visit”), so I’d think is was pretty cool to visit someone I knew had requested visits.
  5. What’s wrong with getting to sleep in on Sunday? That’s an eternal slacker principle.
    They called and asked if they could come over on Wednesday night, and I said Paul would be here but I would be at small group for my church. They said they wanted both of us to be here for the visit, so we set the Sunday night time. Not nuisances at all, I was totally looking forward to having them. Oh well.
    I’ll give the RS President a call today and see what she says.
  6. This is one of the side-perks of being a heretic, I guess. I didn’t know there was a 9 AM on Sunday.
    I’m still not 100% on speaking in tongues… I mean, the whole “this sounds like actual sort of tongues” and “I was told what it would mean before it even started” seems incredibly fishy to me, like a setup even. It might just be I’m an even bigger skeptic, but if you plan things beforehand then a spontaneous use of “tongues” could easily be made to appear like something real.
    I’m delighted that Harley’s separation anxiety has eased. It will do her a lot of good to really enjoy time with other kids and even other people, even if she didn’t want to do it in the first place. Sometimes I wonder if children don’t remember things as a blessing so they don’t recall how angry they were at their parents for making them do things like socialize and use a toilet. Imagine how we’d shake our fists and vent in therapy if we had clearer recollections of it.
    What are home teachers like? Is it like the two fellows we made dinner for in Provo, or nothing at all like that? I’m notta sure. And… On an unrelated note, what was the name of that FANTASTIC Mexican restaurant there we used to go to with the delicious burritos and killer nachos?
  7. I don’t blame you for being skeptical on the tongues thing Laura, although I know the men in question and I don’t think they would get together and decide to fake something like that.
    Home teachers are basically just two regular male members from the LDS church who are assigned to visit certain families in the ward to check up on them, see if they need help with anything, and teach a short lesson once a month. Women have a similar program called visiting teaching. There was a bit of a discussion about this over at Jeff Lindsay’s blog here.
    When you lived with us, I think it was missionaries who came to see us. Did they have name tags? If they had name tags it was missionaries. Otherwise it was home teachers.
    And that awesome Mexican restaurant was Cafe Rio. Man I miss that place.
  8. Jack: I have four daughters (the youngest is 1); in my house, there’s no such thing as sleep or sleeping in.
    And I was holding my breath as you answered Laura’s question about the “fantastic” Mexican restaurant. If you had answered, “Los Hermanos,” I’d have lost all respect for you.
    I imagine heaven has a Cafe Rio, and when we get there Jesus himself will take us out for lunch. And that’ll be the time to, you know, settle all the doctrinal questions we argue about now—’cause we can just ask Jesus right there. So one of us will start out, “Master, please tell us the truth behind the Trini—” and Jesus will interrupt and say, “Shut up and enjoy your burrito.” Oh, and there will be unlimited guacamole.
  9. Mmm… guacamole…
    I remember El Azteca was pretty good in the early 90′s, but I think a different owner has since taken the space there and it now has a different name. Mostly we just blast through Provo as quickly as possible, on our way to points farther south.
  10. Brian… I LIKE the way you think. I think I’d WALK back to Cafe Rio to get another one of their burritos, or, my favorite, those barbecue pork nachos. Oh, yum!
    Jack, thanks for the answers! I didn’t mean to cast any specific disparagement of character on anyone, and I’d take your word and give it some thought over sticking my heels into the dirt.
    I don’t REMEMBER them having name tags, though I’m fairly certain they were missionaries. I remember the first time they visited the apartment alone, and I was all, you guys should totally come in and they were all, um, no. I thought that /I/ was making them skittish until you and Paul explained that two male missionaries are simply not allowed to go with only a female into a place. When that first struck me I thought it was stupid, then immediately after it sunk in I realized it was an incredibly, incredibly good idea. No worries for anyone’s safety that way.
  11. Okay, I spoke with the Relief Society president about getting Visiting Teachers. I weirded that woman out terribly. It was like…
    Me: Hi, my name is Jack Meyers, I’m not a member of the church, I go to New Community Church in Tacoma, but my husband goes to your ward and I was wondering if I could have some visiting teachers assigned to me.
    *long pause*
    Her: Well… we usually only do visiting teachers for members.
    ORLY?? LOL, I don’t think she’s ever gotten a request like this. Maybe I should have talked to the bishop.
    She suggested that I come to Relief Society on Sunday so she can meet me, a suggestion which sets off my Admiral Ackbar alarm. I’m not too crazy about Relief Society meetings, but I guess I can go this once. Now the real question is, do I wear a top that makes it blatantly obvious that I don’t wear garments? Decisions, decisions.
    Cafe Rio with Jesus sounds like a date. Who’s down for it?
    Laura, you should check out God’s Army or States of Grace sometime; they’re both movies about LDS missionary life which I enjoyed quite a bit, and unlike independent evangelical movies, they didn’t suck at all. They’re available through NetFlix if you have it.
  12. If you asked her exactly like that then I’d say you blindsided her a little bit. Remember that she’s not trained for her position—she might even be very new at it—so protocol is a huge help for her; you threw an exception at her so she has no protocol to fall back on.
    And maybe she was just thrown off by a person named “Jack” asking for visiting teachers? (half-joking, but…)
    How well do people in the ward know your husband?
  13. Brian, did you ever watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer? I’m a lot like Anya in real life. I say strange, off-putting things. And yes, my name does throw people, but if I introduce myself as “Bridget” it takes me forever to get them to switch over to “Jack.”
    She would probably know me if she saw me since I did speak in F&T meeting a few weeks ago. No one really knows my husband well; he always sits in the back in Sunday school and Sacrament meeting when he’s by himself and is rather asocial. Last time I visited, we had a new Sunday school teacher and she thought we were both visitors.
  14. Oh my, you got the worst possible response I could think of. Well, not the *worst*, but certainly the most off-putting.
    Congratulations, though, you’ve probably created a war story for the Ward Council. WOOT!
    Next step is to call the Bishop. Identify yourself as a nonmember spouse with an interest in receiving visiting teachers. Mention speaking at the last F&T meeting. Say something more or less like, “I don’t want to become a project for the Ward Council, but it would be nice to have visiting teachers.”
    And I guarantee that if you go to RS meeting in something sleeveless or a short skirt, you will become a project of the Ward Council, so I’d avoid that.
    I can attest that most of the things in God’s Army actually have happened to missionaries. Just, not to one missionary in a span of six months.
  15. Rob ~ And I guarantee that if you go to RS meeting in something sleeveless or a short skirt, you will become a project of the Ward Council, so I’d avoid that.
    But, but… short skirt/long coat is such a fabulous combination!
    What is the Ward Council and why do I not want to become a project of it? (My knowledge of the nuances of local ward organization is pretty limited.) Will becoming a project mean them bringing me delicious baked goods?
    The Bishop, btw, knows me. I did have the wisdom to arrange a special meeting some number of months ago and introduce myself, and he was sitting right behind the lectern at F&T a few weeks ago. It was too bad I had nothing to lie to him about at our meeting though. I’ve never gotten to take part in the Mormon ritual of lying to one’s bishop.
  16. What? I never lied to my Bishop. My mother, sure, but she always saw right through it. As a young person I always thought the Bishop had special lie-detecting powers so I simply never tried. (Later I learned that those aren’t Bishop-powers, those are Father-powers. It’s so much fun to watch my kids try to be sneaky!)
    Ward Council consists of all the adult leaders of each of the auxiliary organizations and priesthood quorums, including the Bishopric. RS President, Young Men and Young Women Presidents, Mission Leader, Elders and High Priests leaders, Activities Committee, Sunday School, a couple others, comprising a council of about 12-14 leaders. Twice a month they commiserate and coordinate on non-sensitive issues (that is, stuff related to needs, rather than sins or money problems) related to the congregation.
    It’s in a meeting like that that an RS president might report that the non-member wife of a part-member part-active family called her up to ask for Visiting Teachers.
    If you already have a relationship with your Bishop, I’d say call him and relate what happened with the RS President. “Bishop, I’m sorry but I think I just gave your RS President a shock” might be a cordial way to approach it.
    As to short-skirt-plus-long-coat, well, I’m completely blind to fashion statements, but certainly you’ve heard the anecdote about the BYU coed from the 70′s taking a test in the Grant building without her pants on…?
  17. On the lying to the bishop thing…
    I’m gonna break some kind of major copyright law now and quote a Robert Kirby column at length. This is from Sunday of the Living Dead p.79-81:
    —————————-
    Changing of the Guard
    My ward recently changed bishops. Short of finding out the Church isn’t true, swapping bishops is the most traumatic thing that can happen to an LDS ward. That and maybe the death of Rush Limbaugh.
    It happened all of a sudden. Our old spiritual leader, Bishop Smith, finally moved away. He was so concerned about disrupting our schedules that he tried to move in the middle of the night. In fact, he got a restraining order to keep the ward from getting within a hundred yards of his house.
    For two weeks, every priesthood-bearing male (except moi) was suspected of being the new bishop. Prayers were said, testimonies offered, bets made, but no one knew for sure.
    Stupid Mormons. I had the new bishop figured out two weeks in advance. I wasn’t praying about it either. I was ice fishing. Don Bone and I were eating jerky and slowly freezing to death beside a hole augured in the middle of Fish Lake when suddenly he said:
    “Darn.”
    “What?” I asked in surprise.
    Don tried to act like nothing had happened. He pointed at the hole. “I said ‘darn.’ The fish got away.”
    Right then I knew. It wasn’t what Don had said, but what he hadn’t said.
    “Darn?” I demanded. “What the hell is darn? Are you trying to stop cussing?”
    “No.”
    “Liar. Prove it. Say *&#@!”
    Don, the only guy I knew who could cure cancer just by cussing, wouldn’t say *&#@! No matter how much I tormented him, the worst he would say was “flip.” That and hit me in the head with the bait box four times.
    By midday, Don had finally confessed that he was trying to quit swearing—and that he was going to be my new spiritual leader. He swore me to secrecy when I quit laughing an hour later. “You have to promise you won’t tell anyone,” he said.
    I bowed my head, folded my arms, and promised.
    I told everyone as soon as I got home. I mean I called people I didn’t even know. My wife stopped me from taking out an ad in the newspaper. I explained that I was doing Don a favor. A bishop has to get used to being lied to.
    It’s been six months and I’m still not adjusted. I was comfortable with the Fisher of Fish Don. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for the Fisher of Men Don.
    When your bishop asks if you’ve been honest in your dealings with your fellowman, it’s a little hard to answer yes when he personally knows you once took 152 fish over the limit and that you consider dynamite to be an acceptable lure.
    Likewise, it’s hard when someone with whom you once held long, philosophical discussions about the differences between sisters in the ward and Playboy bunnies asks if you’ve been keeping your thoughts pure.
    And it’s especially hard on the ego when the bishop’s response to the majority of your answers in the temple recommend interview is, “OK, now tell me the truth, you lying sack of spit.”
    It’s also hard to say no to a bishop who routinely confuses “exhorting” with “extorting.” Two months ago, Bishop Bone gave me a church job harder than nuclear physics. He said the Spirit directed him not to tell my wife certain things if I’d just say yes.
    I hate my new bishop.
  18. Jack: I watched Buffy long enough to realize I’d rather do just about anything else. Sorry. But we still have Cafe Rio and the polygamy thread to keep us friends.
  19. You hate Buffy, Brian? You hate life. 
    I got ahold of the bishop, Rob. I should be cool on the visiting teaching thing, but you should have heard the rest of our conversation. I asked about getting my husband’s membership number and confirmation date so that we can order new garments for him, and he was like, “You as a non-member shouldn’t be ordering his garments.” ALL women buy their husband’s underwear! If we didn’t buy it, men would wear their old underwear until it looked like there was a small nest of squirrels living in it. Man.
    I hope this amuses someone besides me.
  20. Your husband’s membership number is on his temple recommend. His mother remembers his confirmation date. Or, he asks the clerk directly. However, there is, in fact, a policy about non-members and the garment. You can thank the countercult e-bayers for that; before then anyone could walk into the store and pick some up.
    Buffy makes me ROFL. What could be more absurd than high school?
  21. Yes, I remember the days when I could walk into the store and buy them for him myself, which I did. And I remember my LDS friends asking how the counter-cult folks even got garments when all that went down and me saying, “They don’t card you, guys. Anyone can buy them.” Idiot anti-Mormons ruined a good thing.
    I was going to order them for him online. I don’t even know where the store is around here, probably by the Bellevue temple?
  23. Jack: your answer to the bishop should have been, “I and my husband are one, so technically I’m buying underwear for him as a half-member.” Yeah, probably not the best answer.
  25. Went and visited the Relief Society meeting today, I’m good and square with the RS president now. She knew who I was once she saw me in person; sounds like most of the ward still remembers me pretty well from when I spoke at F&T meeting in February. And I was impressed that the R&S meeting was not boring, the teacher was very good, and they did not bring up any mind-numbingly stupid platitudes about women and the priesthood.
    I also got my husband’s membership records, so I can order him new garments! What’s funny is that he’s listed as having no spouse, even though Harley is on there as his daughter; I assume that has something to do with me not being a member while Harley was blessed and named in the church as a baby. It’s just funny that it says “Current Spouse: (None)”
    I’m not sure why the bishop expressed disapproval of me ordering hubby’s garments online. I’ve been to the web site now and it’s not like there’s any pictures or anything (not that I wanted there to be), and the temple ceremony clothes are in a different section of the web site. Does he think I haven’t seen garments by now or something? Ah well. Thanks for the help Rob.
  26. Jack, the Church won’t keep a record of you unless you explicitly consent to have a record kept. In fact, you could press the issue if you like, by telling the clerk or the Bishop that you want to be known on the records of the Church as Paul’s wife. At the very least they’d be able to key your name in next to his on the congregation record as a non-member spouse. I don’t remember if that sort of thing gets copied up to the database in SLC.
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