Frustrated daughter is frustrated

So I’m planning on flying to Chicago and attending the Trinity Evangelical Divinity School open house on March 22-23. I called my father today to discuss these plans and he was upset to hear that I still consider moving to Chicago in the fall a possibility. “Why can’t you find something closer?” he angrily told me. He went off about how awful Chicago is and how much crime and gang activity there is there. The usual from my dad.
I told him that I’m applying to Multnomah in Portland and if both schools accept me, I honestly have no idea which one I would go to. He doesn’t think Portland (which is only a 2.5 hour drive from where we live) is close enough. I’ve decided to scrap the plan to apply to Fuller, mostly because I don’t really want to have to do a year in Seattle and then move to California for the second year.
I’m so frustrated right now. I get that he misses Mom, we all miss Mom. I get that he likes having his granddaughter close by. But he wasn’t the reason I moved back from Utah to Washington state, Mom was. Mom wanted so badly to have her granddaughter in her life, and now she’s gone. My sister is talking about moving to Washington, D.C. to live with my aunt (my mother’s sister), my brother wants to go into the military. I like letting Harley visit her granddad, I like letting her bond with her autistic uncle, and I like having my aunt and uncle and three cousins close by. But are they really any reason to keep putting my life on hold?
My father has never understood me. He thinks my entire bachelor’s degree was a complete waste, he doesn’t get why I had to go off to BYU for it—he wanted to keep me close back then, too—and if you’re not a lawyer or a nurse or going in to the military, he thinks you’re wasting your life.
I don’t know why I’m blogging about this, I’ll probably feel stupid for posting this later on, but I’m just so frustrated right now. I’m afraid I’m either going to just give up and give in to him and not return to graduate school, or I’m going to break away again and break his heart. He’s not really giving me any other options.
If you’re reading this, you can pray for me if you want. I need it.
Oh and if you have parents that believe in your dreams and support you in them, I hope you know how lucky you are.

Comments

Frustrated daughter is frustrated — 9 Comments

  1. I understand both sides of what you are saying. I am not going to move to live with aunt kathy. I really dont want to run away from moms death. Its so appealing to hear aunt kathy say that in a way she can forget mom is gone. I hate that every single street is a memory. I started going to a psychiatrist because I care so little about myself.
    Dad does want whats best for us, but he is so hard headed that he tries to influence our goals and dreams because he feels he knows best. I want to be a teacher, but passion is not enough for him. Dad just knows that he made mistakes and he lucked out finding a career that pays well without a college education. Its unfair to say that our parents dont support us in our dreams. Mom supported us. Mom willing gave out money any way she could to fuel what we wanted, even when she didnt agree. Dad does the same, but his lectures hide his good intentions. He would be heartbroken if you left, but he would be okay. He would just have to try harder to really connect with harley over the phone, over webcam, ect.
    Maybe he just wants to really teach Harley who mom was and develop a relationship with her with mom as their foundation. The one thing that they really have in common is loving mom and mom loving Harley and staying alive for Harley.
    But… if going to Chicago makes YOU happy, then there will always be a way for dad to be active in Harleys life. I can easily see him flying harley down every summer or spring or something. I would like it more if you chose Portland because I would willingly make that drive to see you guys. It is your life though, and you have to really listen to how you feel. You can get others opinions, but things always work out the way they are suppose to.
    Feel better. Dad means well, its hard to see sometimes nowadays because mom was his optimism, but he does. He loves you and he loves Harley. Shes a fun kid to watch grow.
  2. Jenny, I didn’t mean to imply that Mom didn’t support me, she did. But she’s gone now, and since Dad is always so critical of everything I do, I’m not sure that I can say he supports me. It sure doesn’t feel like it.
    Thank you for trying to see the other side of this. Believe me, as I’ve thought this over, taking Harley away from you and Dad and Steven and Matt is what has weighed heaviest on my heart, but my options in the Puget Sound are so limited, I can’t stay here forever. Dad thinks I can just go to any college to do a Master’s; he doesn’t get why I have to leave the area.
    Paul & I are going to fast and pray for guidance on this subject this weekend. If you want to do anything with me and Harley, let me know, we would love to see you and she has been so much fun and in such a good mood the past few days. I love you sweetie.
  3. I think Chicago is a travesty of a city; I could never get my wife to take enough of an interest to consider any opportunities there. The traffic is justplainterrible.
    If you come to Portland, I give you the names of a couple of the pastors from City Bible Church. They live right across the street.
  5. Thanks Rob & Brian.
    I spoke with my evangelical aunt today (the one who first converted me when I was 10) and I’m feeling much better. She agrees with me that I need to move on and that I could do very well returning to graduate school.
    I’m visiting my father’s house now and he’s taking the day off work tomorrow to spend time with me and Harley. I’m gonna try to explain to him why I have to go and get him used to the idea. Wish me luck!
  6. Keep your debt down.
    All the enlightenment in the world doesn’t mean much when your wages are being garnished.
    [This has been a public service announcement from your local gloomy bankruptcy attorney. Thanks for listening.]
  8. Seminary is a tough decision primarily because it is tough on families. I have no doubt that you will love Multnomah/Trinity (the order of these two was intentional – public service announcement from your neighborhood admissions counselor). Both are great schools, and you will learn a lot at either. My challenge to you is to consider first how the Lord is leading you and your family; and second to choose the school based on what is best for you, your husband, and your daughter.
    When my wife and I moved to Portland, it devastated my father. I had never lived more than 4 hours from home my whole life, but the 3000 mile move from Central Kentucky to Portland was where God was leading my wife and me, and it was the best decision for my family. Portland took us away from the stressers of extended family and immersed us in a ‘beef stew of culture’ that has laid the groundwork for what God is leading us to do with the rest of our lives.
    As we have chased after what God desires for us, we have found that our extended family relationships (parents and siblings) have actually strengthened through this whole process. Our parents have gotten a small taste of what it will be like when Amanda and I move overseas, and they have embraced the idea of making Portland a prime location for vacations.
    If that place for your family is Chicago (or even Portland), do not let anything or anyone stand in the way of what God is doing in your lives.
    Know that I am praying for you, and I would love to see that “Multnomah” application soon… ;)
  9. Zach, thanks again for your encouragement and kind words. I spoke with my father last night and he seemed to accept that I need to move on, though he’s begging me to go to Portland and not Chicago.
    I don’t know, we’ll see. You’ll get that application this week. You and Doug (the counselor from Trinity) have both been so helpful and wonderful, so thank you.
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